Do Mom and Dad need help?

These four short videos contain important information for adult children of aging parents!  Tools and tips to helping your loved one to age in place.

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Aging and Loneliness

Imagine a living a week with no interaction with other people.  No social media, no visits, no phone calls, no outings, nothing but your own company.  How would you fare?  Many seniors live this way.  One man tries this (anti) social experiment … watch and let me know what you think.

A week alone

How can you do a job like that? I could NEVER do something like that!

love best medicine

When I began my journey as a caregiver I had people asking me how I could do such a thing, that they would never be able to do that.  They wanted to know how I could stand to see to the most personal needs of my father and then grandfather.  They couldn’t understand how I could find the compassion and patience to spend 30 to 45 minutes feeding my dad four or five times a day.

The simple answer is they’re family and that’s what family does.  The deeper explanation is, they did it for me.  From the time I was born my family has been there caring for me.  THEY changed my diapers.  THEY fed me.  THEY dressed me.  THEY bathed me.  I spit up and threw up on THEM.  I bled on THEM.  When I cried THEY comforted me.  THEY taught me, loved me and encouraged me.  How can I not reciprocate when THEIR time of need comes?

To that people will often concede the point but now that I have lost both Dad and Grandpa they ask why I continue to do this for strangers.

The honest truth is two-fold.  First of all, once I meet the people I am charged with providing care for they are no longer strangers.  They become surrogate family members.  I care for who they are as a person.  I try to learn about who they are, what makes them happy and how to encourage them.   They often have as much of a positive influence on my life as I hopefully have on theirs.

Second, I think of all the people outside of my family who had an impact on who I am today … teachers, neighbors, family friends, camp counselors, clergy, and random strangers providing random acts of kindness.  Most of these people are no longer in my life, but each of the people I care for were the teachers, neighbors, family friend, camp counselor, clergy or random stranger providing random acts of kindness for someone else.  So in my mind, in some odd concept of karma or whatever way you’d put it, I am returning the favor to a stranger in hopes that someone else is doing the same for those non-family members who had a positive influence on my life.

I have another reason for doing what I do.  I have seven wonderful nephews and four awesome nieces.   I believe the best way to show the future generation how to be compassionate, active, caring adults is by example.  I hope that by demonstrating to them how we should care for our family and strangers that I will have done my part to make the future just that much brighter.

So, to answer the question “How can I do something like what I do?”

I do it joyfully with hope, compassion and love.

Christmas Traditions

good memory

When I saw this meme I was taken back to my childhood and my memories of Christmas.  We had wonderful traditions that centered around time spent with family.   Sure, as kids we got presents from grandparents, aunts, uncles, our parents and Santa, but if you ask me about the presents I couldn’t really give you specifics.  I can tell you about the time spent making memories with my whole extended family.

Our Christmas would start by going to a midnight church service on Christmas Eve.  After church we would migrate to our dad’s parent’s house for a potato pancake breakfast.  There we would play with our cousins, rough house with Grandpa and perhaps watch Christmas specials on VHS.  There would be lots of laughter and fun.

Around 3 AM we would stagger home with our parents telling us that we were not allowed to get them up before 7 AM.  (They, of course, still had to play Santa.)

Seven AM on the dot would have us sending the youngest in to wake Mom and Dad.  We would have our own Christmas at home with us four kids and Mom and Dad.  Eventually Mom and Dad would go to have a nap and we would spend a blissful morning and early afternoon playing together.

About mid afternoon we would head over to Mom’s parent’s house for an early dinner.  Once again there was lots of laughter and fun.  We would play with our cousins.  Aunts and uncles would often join in with the insanity.  There were presents, but mostly I remember the boisterous antics of the time spent together as a family.

I used to look forward to Christmas for those times.  I still look forward to it because it offers a chance for me to make this time special for the next generation the way it was for me.

I have since lost all of my grandparents, sometimes I wish we could have just one more Christmas together.  Since we cannot, I take solace in the good memories they left and work to follow in their example.

Home safety

I have spoken about home safety in the past, but I’d like to bring up a couple of specific things today.

Today more and more seniors choose to remain in their own homes for as long as possible.  There are many good reasons for this, first it can be less expensive than moving into retirement or nursing facilities.  Second, when they are in a familiar environment they are able to feel more comfortable and are less likely to become depressed.

The most important thing to remember when making the decision to age in place is whether the home is physically safe to be in.  I’m not referring to structural issues, although that is also a consideration.  I’m talking about fall risks.

Any items piled around on the floors can cause an elderly person to potentially trip and fall.  Even if they’ve always had that pile of stuff there as we age our depth perception and balance start to fade.  So the pile they’ve always stepped over will one day trip them up.

Making sure that all walk ways are free and clear of all debris and clutter is one step to making the home safer.

Another important potential trip hazard to clear away are throw rugs or area rugs.  Your elderly loved one may not be able to lift their feet properly when walking and get tripped up by the rug.

If there are tears or rips in carpeting or if the transition area between tile or laminate and carpeting isn’t secured down, these need to be repaired or the whole carpet replaced.  Once again, these are tripping points.

A large number of falls in the home happen in the bathroom.  Look into installing grab bars near the toilet and in the shower.  These should be properly mounted in order to safely take the weight of your loved one.

Transfer poles are also helpful.  These floor to ceiling poles offer support for standing.  They are helpful next to the bed and/or next to a favorite chair.

Electric lift chairs are very handy in getting a senior citizen to the point of standing.  They also recline via the electric motor.  There are many different styles both on the decor side of things and how many bells and whistles come with it, many even include heat and massage.

If there are any steps or stairs in the house it is important to make sure there are secure handrails to use.  At no point in time should anything be left on a step, they should always be clear of any clutter.

If climbing a flight of stairs is physically too taxing it may become necessary to convert a room on the main level into a bedroom or invest in one of the stair chair lifts.

In the kitchen, make sure that plates, cups, bowls and other such eating implements are within easy reach.  As we age we loose muscle tone and reaching above our head becomes more difficult.  At the same time our knees and circulatory system won’t accept bending over for more than at most a few moments.

Once everything is as safe as possible in the physical home, it may be helpful to hire a service to come to provide companionship, housekeeping help, meal preparation and assistance running errands.  Depending on the level of independence of your loved one this may only need to be once or twice a week for a couple of hours.   By starting this kind of light assistance early it may help them accept more help if they need additional help with activities of daily living (aka: ADL’s) in the future.

Another good investment of money is for a emergency call button service.  This way if your love one is alone in their home they will have a reliable method to reach out for assistance, especially if they’re unable to reach a phone.